one year ago today my life came a tumbling down as my now ex, unexpectantly broke up with me.

it was shit. and there is no 12, 20, 1000 step programme that will make it better, but here are 12, that got me through and continue to do so.

1. talk.

i had sessions with a psychologist, i had been having these previously to deal with other things (i used to be quite secretive about it, but you know sometimes you just need to talk about stuff and work through things). so we spoke at length about what happened and how to get through each day. if you can’t afford, don’t want to see, or don’t feel the need to speak to a professional, than just talk to someone. it is the best thing you can do. the best piece of advice i got was that it wouldn’t take time to get over things, but what you filled that time with, friends, cups of tea, nice things would make the time easier to deal with, so so true.

2. cry.

again, bloody important people. don’t bottle that shit up. because it’s going to come out. on the street, at home, at work, with your friends.

3. change your routine.

do not go to same places you used to hang out together – why? because it’s too bloody depressing. find a new cafe, lunch spot, bar, gym time. it will give you back a little piece of you. but don’t avoid them forever either, and if you do go back, take others, even if just for the first time.

4. keep busy.

especially in the first few months, rekindle old friendships, make new ones. get a massage, a facial, go to a play, watch movies (nothing romantic!). this is also connected to the filling space with good things.

5. wear colour.

i don’t know how, but it helps.

6. be prepared to get dropped.

by a lot of mutual friends. i’m still not sure how it happened, or why. but people chose sides, they do. it’s sad, and makes you die a little inside. but you know you are awesome, and it’s their loss.

7. play this, loud.

8. make plans.

before my ex and i got together, i was planning on going to canada, and then i fell madly in love, and canada got put to the side. i’ve never at all regretted the decision i made to stay nor do i have any feelings resentment about it either. but the i put the plan back in my mind after we broke up, along with many others. make lists of things you want to do, just you.

9. don’t be mean.

unless you were with some complete wanker. be civil. be polite. and act how you hope/want your ex to behave/talk about you. be awesome instead.

10. cut your hair, that is get a professional to cut it.

this helps. and it’s one of those times you can get your hairdresser to do whatever they want, a radical change because you need to break out of the funk. i got mine cut a few months later. it felt so good.

11. delete your ex from fb.

just do it. you both need privacy. it’s not personal, you just need to disconnect until if or when it feels okay to reconnect.

12. read this, i did.

some days are good, others bad, and some days well they make you smile and realise, you will be okay.

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2 Responses to twelve

  1. Kate says:

    Brilliant post, Lucinda 🙂

  2. kathryn says:

    You have done so many amazing things since the breakup, and have so much in store for you!

    Love #10 – ever notice in movies how they hack off their hair after a breakup and it ends up looking sensational. Like that would happen if I cut my own hair. Definitely a job for a professional.

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